1.Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet. 2.i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur. 3:vommed in the sink and didn't realize until i was done that my bra was in there so that's my morning 4: w-w-w-WILDCARD
1.I'm sitting at a bagel shop, hungover, wearing a princess crown and a sweater that isn't mine. It's not one of my finest moments. 2.I woke up this morning next to the laptop with Google search results for "how to put out a fire." I'm very scared to turn around. 3.Do any of you know who mailed me a set of business cards describing my profession as "tortured soul"? 4. wow wildcard
A: But on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
B: What's your currently declared sexuality, for my bingo card?
C: Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at people's cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
1: I have seen more male genitalia at this party than I ever want to see in my entire life. 2: i have a glowsitck. gkoesyick. GLOWSTCK. glowsticj. FUCK IT ALL. G L O W S T I C K 3: Did you clean my apartment? 4: All I have in my bag is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night. 5: [Or text her!]
1: you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough. 2: this is a drunk text message: I am so glad that we are friends. tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. we both love dogs. flower. 3: How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth? 4: i out mim tonsoeep 5: [Or text her!]
1: Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds. 2: I am not saying you are stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking. 3: A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend. 4: ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again? 5: [Or text him!]
Not really a good way unless you want to use language he might not understand. Like, "Sir, I wish to apply my lips to your phallus, and apply them most vigorously."
Or, you know, drink a lot with him and let him have it.
There's always 'drag behind the hedge and kiss him until he nearly passes out, then when he's stunned tell him flat out'. You should play to your strengths.
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