90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

[mytarget]

 

 Fail Sex♦The Meme




While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.


mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability. 


outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

 

Comments

[toaflame]

[Oops. That's about what Adrian expected, so he's not offended. If anything he's just amused.]

I can delete it, if it bothers you. Pretend this whole thing never happened. I'd laugh in your face if you called me trustworthy on a good day, but I'm not gonna hold THIS over somebody.

[There's being an asshole and then there's being genuinely a terrible person.]

[messwithtexas]

nah I guess you can keep it to inspire you on sad days

[Lappland's decisions can be difficult to predict at times.]

pretty impressive tho right
like that i could get that thing all the way in

[toaflame]

[Well now, that is a surprise. Who accidentally sends sexy pictures to someone who is only sortof an acquaintance, and when given the offer to burn the evidence they go "oh no it's fine"?

Like, damn, Adrian has to laugh. This one has nerves of god damn steel. That, or she really just doesn't care what he thinks either way, which he can also respect.]

How kind of you.

I'm not usually in the business of seeing how deep I can take shit unless I'm really in the mood, so yeah. Impressive is one word for it. Were you warming up for something, or just doing it on your own time?

[messwithtexas]

oh it was for sexting purposes
maybe trolling?
she probably already deleted it tbh

[Calling the relationship between Lappland and Texas 'complicated' would be kind of an understatement.]

[toaflame]

["Maybe" trolling, she says.]

If that's your idea of trolling, I don't want to know what it is you do when you're being serious.

So what now?

[messwithtexas]

no idea ive never accidentally sent someone nudes before
do we flirt now

that was not the right icon, now I must live with my sins

[toaflame]

Oh, I thought we were already. My bad.

[He's only half joking, really.]

[messwithtexas]

oh ok in that case uhhh

[Shit. How do normal people flirt]

wanna have a sexy fistfight

[Nailed it.]

[toaflame]

[....oh my god.

Adrian laughs, genuinely this time.]

You mean a fistfight, or a "fist" fight?

[He's talking about fisting. That's a sexy fistfight, right-]

[messwithtexas]

idgi
wait ohhhhhh

[Slightly delayed response.]

I mean
there's plenty of time for both

[toaflame]

What, does brawling turn you on or something?

[messwithtexas]

more than anything

[toaflame]

Huh. So, what, is it like a fetish?

Not judging, I'm genuinely curious.

[messwithtexas]

more like a lifestyle
get lost on the thrill of the ifght
until BOOM
now the energy's going a different way
it rules

[toaflame]

Kinda wish I could relate. I just get angry, mostly.

[Angry can sometimes equal to sexy, but not always.]

Guess it depends on why I'm fighting though. Most of the time it's not a mutually agreed on deal.

[messwithtexas]

I love fighting I do it all the time
it's all the high octane thrill of sex but you can also test your strength
and people get slightly less mad if you do it in public

[toaflame]

That sure is one way of looking at it. Does that mean you regularly end up having sex with your enemies?

[messwithtexas]

not all the time but like
it happens sometimes
and its the best sex ever

[toaflame]

Sounds like a good time, then.

I don't get hook ups all that often. Not for lack of trying, just...not really much of a people person, yaknow. But that's what every lonely sap says, ain't that right?

[messwithtexas]

aww you're a good looking guy
I bet if you tried for it more you could get laid all the time

[toaflame]

[Good looking, huh...]

Glad somebody still thinks so. Bit of an outcast where I'm from, so

Not very many people into a guy with bug parts.

[messwithtexas]

cowards

[toaflame]

Hah, you think?

[messwithtexas]

imagine the possibilities
4 arms = double the handjobs

[toaflame]

Yeah, I guess it does make shit like that a lot more convenient as long as you don't find it too weird.