90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

[mytarget]

 

 Fail Sex♦The Meme




While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.


mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability. 


outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

 

Comments

[unmarkeddaughter]

[At least they're at the fucking park and not the regular one.

Phaedra gives Erina a smile that wouldn't look out of place on her sister's other sister.]

Why, Dame Erina, you seem nervous.

[zweihandler]

Nervous?! The hell makes you think I'm nervous? I figure if anyone's gonna be wigged out about this? It's you.

[ Her voice cracks.






Kill her now. ]

[unmarkeddaughter]

[Phaedra sets her hands on Erina's shoulders. There is no escape, not even in death.]

Then perhaps you should take the lead. It would put my mind at ease.

[zweihandler]

Seriously?

[ Her voice cracks again. ]

[unmarkeddaughter]

[Phaedra wordlessly nods.

 

 

What's that light tapping sound?]

[zweihandler]

Alright. Cool.

[ Erina sets her hands on Phaedra's shoulders and tries not to think too hard about the fact that she is probably going to pass out and/or die trying to make out with a princess. Of all the ways she could have gone out, this is probably about the best she could have hoped for.

Before she can make a spectacle of herself by sprawling out from a heart attack, though, something plinks off the top of her head and she instinctively reaches up to touch it before frowning to herself and tipping her face up to the overcast sky. ]

The hell...?

[unmarkeddaughter]

[Hm. Okay. This is a reaction Phaedra couldn't possibly have predicted.]

Dame Erina?

[...

She looks up, too.

And flinches as something small hits her nose.] Ow!

[zweihandler]

Is this hail? For real? The weather report didn't say a goddamn thing about–

[ Plink. ]

Fuck! That was my goddamn eye–

[ Rip in rest, Erina. ]

[unmarkeddaughter]

Are you all right--

[Plink, plink, plink!

Phaedra grabs Erina's hand.]

Run!

[zweihandler]

[ And run she does, stumbling like a drunken fawn and covering her afflicted eye with her free hand. In terms of get out of jail free cards, she's not crazy about this one but hey, if it works... ]

Where in the hell did this even come from?!