oddsandends | 90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

Fail Sex♦The Meme

While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.

mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability.

outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

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[HMMM...while it would maybe be smarter to put a harder limit on this just so they can easily scramble back upright if anyone approaches them...Riku is a little too preoccupied physically to care as much as he should. Maybe he's banking too hard on the fact they won't be seen, but...

He tugs Roxas just a little closer to him for emphasis.]

You can touch me directly, Roxas.

[Aaaah... Good. Riku now has a very happy boyfriend who all to eagerly moves his hands till they can shimmy into those undergarments. Roxas makes a please noise as fingers move against warm skin.]

Wanna tell me what you want or do I get to pick?

[He's more than fine with moving right down to business.]

[While Roxas makes a sound that's pleased with what he finds, Riku's is considerably more affected. Let's hope that he's not the one who's going to need to be up against a wall soon, here, because just seeing Roxas with his hands in his pants like that is enough of an image to make him weak kneed.]

I thought you already had an idea, you little sneak.

[Riku teases, reaching down to tweak a piece of hair fallen into Roxas's eyes.]

Oh, I was already planning on doing whatever I wanted. I want to get down to it. It's been how long since we've gotten any chance to do this kind of stuff?

[Too long. So really, the choice to make a choice was just a smokescreen. Roxas wants to touch and make Riku feel weak. So time to aim for that by snaking a hand around Riku's shaft and just giving a squeeze.]

Can you keep your noise level down?

[From where they are, he can't really tell just how close or far anyone is. Not that he was too focused on that. He's waiting for a reply before continuing.]

Ah-

[Well, he can't if you're just going to grab his dick like that-

Is what he's thinking, but he quickly bites everything back to muffle himself into silence while managing to avoid having to cover his mouth. His brows furrow, and for a moment he doesn't say anything...mostly because he wants to be able to speak without sounding as affected as he feels.]

I'll...be fine.

[Will he though??]

[Snorting through his nose to keep some of the laughter down, Roxas is very amused at that reaction.]

You say that now.

[Is this still being treated as a challenge? Yes.]

If you're really desperate to keep quiet, you'll figure something out. You're getting no help from me.

[Roxas please]

So it's revenge you want me to- hnnh- get later...I see how it is...

[He exhales heavily, looking up at the ceiling briefly as he tries- key word "try"- to keep his ears perked for voices.]

Oh please. Revenge?

[Though he's sure Riku could think of something, would the other really want to take revenge? Maybe. Roxas knows Riku has some unpredictability. Not that it mattered as he hums softly and starts moving his hand ever so slowly up and down. The confines of clothing make it a bit harder, yet he manages by shifting his wrist just a bit.]

What would you even do to get back at me?

[It's more likely than not that Riku is just saying shit to say shit- this is exactly where he wants Roxas right now, and if he did anything else or tried to actually stop he'd probably complain. Something something who came onto who, again...

He curses lowly under his breath, his hips twitching as he fights the urge to rock them into Roxas's hand. Since he can't think of an immediate comeback, he'll just...lean in and kiss Roxas instead. Where his lips end up landing doesn't matter.]

[Riku won't catch any flack for cursing since Roxas knows what he's doing to the others. He's eating it all up with each slow stroke as he waits for the next reaction. The kiss does miss lips, not by much, but enough to make the blond let out a giggle.]

A bit to the right, you dork.

[So much for not helping.]

S..shut up...

[Riku manages...barely. The more he tries to speak, the more dangerous it becomes. He could very easily accidentally moan just loud enough for someone to realize, hey, there's something naughty happening around the corner and then Riku is pretty sure the case of blue balls he'd receive would literally kill him at that point.

Especially worse is how badly he wants to reciprocate. He's making do where he can, the occasional clumsy kiss or his hands grabbing at Roxas for purchase, but otherwise...it's good. It's really good, and if Roxas keeps going like this Riku has no doubt he'll be able to get off and they'll have managed to do it without-

...Riku had briefly lost himself in trying to chase that distant yet ever present orgasm high, feeling it start to build deep in the pit of his stomach. Not quite there, but soon...so much so that he didn't realize that the voice he's been hearing for a while now isn't just muffled background noise.

It's someone calling for him.]

[If more noise was allowed, Roxas is sure he would have let a laugh slip out by now. Maybe more. Was it malicious? Not at all. He just loves how he can get Riku worked up with something simple, and even without proper reciprocation get something out of it. There might just be a bit of a sadistic side to him that could be explored more with time.

Which they've run out of. Someone not him was saying Riku's name and his ears hone in on that.

And instead of pulling away, try to cover things up, Roxas just... freezes.

Oh no.]

[Oh no is right. Because in some beautiful, alternate world where everything went right and nothing at all went wrong, Sora is still around and he's come looking for his best friend at the worst possible time he could have.

Roxas going still instead of moving has the effect of prompting Riku to do the exact same thing, initially. He's too caught between pleasure and horror to know what else to do otherwise, returning his hand to cover his mouth just in case.

Nobody...saw him go this way, right? If Sora starts asking around and somebody points him in this direction...

His eyes dart down to look at Roxas, who is still very much crouched there with his hand in Riku's pants. It seems like the name of the game suddenly is "hold your breath until he leaves", but who knows how long that's going to work? Sora isn't one to give up easily, especially when he knows Riku can't be that far away.]

[This was the worst case. Roxas is having a million different thoughts in his head, and none of them involve just leaving. He could probably make a Dark Corridor, but most of his thoughts are "OH NO SORA IS GOING TO HATE ME".

So he just sits there like, eyes wide like a deer in headlights.

Riku might be alone in trying to figure a way out.]

[Okay. Okay. This...isn't fine, but it's going to be. They'll figure a way out of this. Or...Riku will, since Roxas seems to be pretty well paralyzed with indecision at the moment. Sora seems to be far enough away that he wouldn't be able to hear them at least, which is why Riku is confident enough to speak in an undertone.]

Stay quiet. He might not think to come this way.

[And he might not think to ask around, he hopes. He'll just go elsewhere looking...please god, Sora, go somewhere else to look.

Riku chances a glance around the corner after a few seconds pass, only for his heart to abruptly stop when he realizes Sora is still headed in their direction.]

Shit-

[Does Sora have a radar or something? With Riku's reaction, that sure seems like the reason the brunette was still headed their way. Roxas finally blinks when Riku starts swearing.]

C-Can we distract him somehow?

[With what? He has no idea. All of his idea might make Sora panic more than give up on coming towards them. A change in positions would help, but that means taking hands out of pants and that just makes Roxas feel irritated. Sora has horrible timing!]

[See, that's the thing. They...maybe can? Sora...Riku cares about Sora deeply, he's his best friend in the whole world, but everyone knows how Sora can be sometimes. He's going to be nosy and ask questions, but he's going to take Riku at his word no matter what he says, so long as he goes about it the right way. In that vein, it might be easier to try to throw him off their scent than to just hope he doesn't stumble on them...leaving them with even harder questions to answer.

Riku grimaces before turning himself just a little, more so that his back is towards the corner so that if he leans back on his heels he'll be able to lean his head and torso out into the open if need be.]

Crouch here by the wall. He's not going to see you unless he walks around it. If he comes too close I'll have to try to talk to him.

[With Roxas...still with his hands in his pants.]

Uhm... okay.

[These boys are not thinking logically at all, and it shows with Roxas following directions. Later they'll look back at this and figure that if they had just fixed their clothes and both stood next to each other, it would probably just look like they wanted to talk alone.

But panic likes to make people think in not so smart ways... right now Roxas is just hoping Riku's plan works. He does not want to explain what they're doing right now to Sora. Specifically he does not want to explain his own part in all of this.

Please let this plan work.]

[Yeah, this is...decidedly not Riku's smartest moment ever. Usually he knows better, but the thought of getting caught suddenly isn't so fun anymore. Not when he really doesn't want Sora to find out he's been dating Roxas like this, especially not when he already knows Roxas has complicated feelings about him knowing to begin with. The last thing he wants is for him to find out this way, at the very least.

So Riku sticks to his guns (because really, there's not much time to do anything else) and waits with baited breath as he watches for Sora's approach. Unfortunately for both of them, Sora doesn't deter from his path...which forces Riku to lean into view so he can act as if he just heard Sora now.]

What is it, Sora?

["Oh, Riku! There you are!"

He comes running up from there, miraculously coming to a stop just before rounding the corner. Possibly because...well, the way Riku is standing is really weird, even to Sora.

"I wanted to ask if you wanted to come down to the beach...is everything okay?" He asks, tilting his head far to one side as he tries to peek at what Riku is doing, only for Riku to shake his head and quickly hold up a hand to stop him.]

Everything's fine! I have some stuff to take care of, but I can come meet up with you later.

["Oh...well, okay. Is there anything I can help you with?"

Riku grits his teeth. Oh my god Sora stop trying to be helpful and leave-]

[Sora... dear Sora... Being helpful was good and all, but Roxas can't believe that for once he doesn't want the young man to be helpful. The longer Sora sticks around, the more he feels impatient. Screaming that Sora needs to for once just go away. Feelings that he will regret later for sure. It wasn't his fault that Roxas and Riku didn't hide well enough...

If there was one thing Riku shouldn't love about Roxas, it's that temper that's gotten the blond into a lot of trouble. Since this line of questioning was going to end up with Sora not leaving, he stands up, hands still where they were. If Sora went away, the two lovebirds could just go right back to what they were doing.

So Roxas pokes his head around the corner at also a somewhat weird angle.]

No, Sora, he doesn't need your help right now. We're busy!

[Roxas's temper can be amusing, but this is absolutely not the time for it to manifest. All he had to do was stay put and quiet until Sora hopefully left, but that whole plan gets chucked straight out of the window when he suddenly leans over and announces his presence, leaving Riku trapped between his best friend and his boyfriend. It doesn't help that Roxas hasn't even moved his hands, which are still rubbing against him every time he even slightly moves.

Sora startles visibly when Roxas suddenly pops up out of nowhere, looking from Riku and back to him.

"Woah! I didn't know you were there, Roxas...what are you guys so busy with over here?"

That's exactly what Riku was afraid he'd ask if Roxas announced himself, inviting even more questions that are difficult to easily answer.]

Don't worry about it Sora, it isn't important. We'll join you in a little bit, alright?

[Of course, in saying that it's just going to invite more curiosity...]

[Both of them need to just stop and actually think, but will that happen? Not at this rate. Roxas just stares at Sora for a minute. Staying quiet should be the choice, but he huffs.]

Yeah. Listen to Riku.

[Agreeing with Riku? It can happen!]

[YEAH...Sora seems suspicious for that reason alone. Could they be talking about something secret? What if it's about him? Or...maybe it's a secret for him? And he might ruin the surprise if he-

Sora stands up a bit straighter, flashing the pair a wide grin and a quick, off-hand salute.

"Oooh, I get it now. I'll be waiting for you guys, then!"

And then...as suddenly as he appeared, Sora bounds away from them, leaving Riku feeling- and looking- very exhausted.]

...he has no idea, trust me.

...

[Roxas sighs and looks at Riku.]

You might think you know Sora, but you really don't.

[This was a way to ruin his mood with Sora giving them that grin.]

He's going to expect something from us. And I don't want to disappoint him.

What?

[Riku looks pretty immediately stunned by that comment, understandably so...but when Roxas puts it that way, he...is right. Sora doesn't know the truth of what they're doing, sure, but now he thinks they're planning something he's not supposed to know about...and it's not like they can just let that slide and pretend nothing happened.

He frowns, brows furrowing as he puts a hand to the back of his neck.]

What else was I supposed to tell him? He was about to walk around on us!

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