90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

[mytarget]

 

 Fail Sex♦The Meme




While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.


mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability. 


outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

 

Comments

[sorry_sorry]

[Tsubaki smiles and presses a kiss to his forehead. She'd made sure to wear her cute lingerie instead of something more sexual. Dark colors and bright reds didn't fit her image, after all. Instead, it was soft and light blue.

She starts again with kisses, slowly pressing them in a line along his cheeks, then down to his lips. Tsubaki sucks his lower lip before she deepens their kiss, moving his hands to her breasts.]

[dangertohands]

[Softer colors really did suit Tsubaki more. Shoto likes them more than the sexier color type, even if red was a pleasing color. Even if it wouldn't stay on very long.

The kisses are very nice, and he makes a pleases noise. Lips parting when she makes a move for a deeper kiss. With his hands now on soft skin, he lets his thumbs move over the lacy fabric before moving up further. If she doesn't stop him, he'll be more than happy to get to the clasp to undo it.]

[sorry_sorry]

[She doesn't seem to be stopping him, that's certain. Under Shoto's thumbs, her nipples start to harden against the soft lace, and she moans softly against his lips. Tsubaki drags her fingers down his chest to start undoing his pants.

It seems someone's in a hurry.]

[dangertohands]

[He almost jolts when those fingers go across his chest. He hides it by getting his hands on the clasp and working on undoing it. Even with all the practice, it still takes a good minute to do it. Bra clasps where the true enemy in the world.]

It's not a race.

[Unless she wants to make it a race.]

[sorry_sorry]

It's a bit of a race, [Tsubaki pouts at him, as he loosens the bra. She knows it's a challenge, and has never quite figured what it is about Shoto that makes her want to be a little cheekier than usual. She nips at his lip and kisses him again, eager to be free of her lingerie before something happens to it.

Tsubaki shimmies her shoulders slightly until the straps fall loosely onto her arms.]

I love you and want you, Shoto. Preferably now.

[Shifting a bit, her knee pressed against his side.]

[dangertohands]

[If she keeps this up, he might accidentally melt that clasp... Even the kiss was distracting enough to make him almost stop even attempting. Success does come along at least and he watches the lingerie start making its trip towards the floor.]

I love you too, but I don't have what we need on me.

[Unless they're not planning for those panties to come off, he's going to stand form on not going further.]

[sorry_sorry]

Oh no.

[Tsubaki wiggled away and towards her bedside table.]

Hang on, I think...

[She muttered to herself as she looked for what they needed.]

Come on, come on, didn't I...

[Allergy medicine, no. Sleep aid... no! Where was it--]

AHA!

[Tsubaki checked the date and breathed a sigh of relief before presenting the familiarly shaped foil packet to Shoto.]

This is what we needed? Right?

[dangertohands]

[Tsubaki!!! Shoto is the prepared one between the two of them, and that might not end the best way when he was not expecting fun times tonight.

He sighs and watches her go off with a soft smile. Okay, she's cute. He can forgive that.]

It is.

[He takes the condom and is about to open it when....]

... it's expired.

[sorry_sorry]

What? That's impossible, I just bought t--

[A lady did not admit to purchasing such things, even if she more or less confirmed it. She pouted at him and crawled back, dangling her arms around his neck again.]

Do you still want to do things? Or are we going to let me stay half naked and you fully dressed?

[dangertohands]

[Tsubaki, IT'S OKAY FOR WOMEN TO BUY CONDOMS...

Shoto nods when she's back over, even if they have to think around the condom issue.]

I'll have to get up to take my pants off.

[Which means Tsubaki should get on the bed.]

[sorry_sorry]

...Right.


[Tsubaki wriggled backwards onto the bed, leaning back on her hands to watch him with her usual, quizzical blue eyes. How were they going to manage? They liked to keep it safe, after all but... Well, whatever, she still wanted to go forward and it appeared he did, too.

So, Tsubaki held her hand out to him.]

Hurry up, hurry up~