oddsandends | 90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

Fail Sex♦The Meme

While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.

mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability.

outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[Intimate is one way to put it. It's certainly not...the best way things could have gone, but...on some instinctual level, Legosi himself likes it too. This is how things happen for wolves, so if he'd gone the expected route and started dating a Grey Wolf instead, wouldn't this have been an inevitability he would have had to deal with anyway? It would have just been expected, and much less of a...tight fit.

Still, Haru's embarrassment is infectious. Her body language tips it off more than anything else, which Legosi finds himself subconsciously imitating...his own ears laying back against his head similar to the way hers have.

He does appreciate the way she's tracing his hands with her much smaller ones, though. It's grounding, in a way.]

I...I'm glad to hear that. I was starting to worry I'd...really hurt you.

[He's...still not totally sure he hasn't? Like, he's half afraid she's going to have been stretched and pumped full to the point of potential injury that they won't realize until after they've parted, but maybe he's overthinking it. Haru isn't inexperienced, so she would have told him if she was really hurt. She's probably had accidents before now, too. Legosi isn't the exception to the rule just because he's a carnivore. There are large herbivores, too.]

If this was my first time, maybe... [Said while she splays her palm flat against his, their difference in size just truly overwhelming all over, that honestly things could have very easily gone wrong. And...he's deep, very deep don't get her wrong, and this is probably the longest anyone's been inside her for a continuous amount of time but...

Yeah. There are large herbivores too. It's not a fact she's going to really openly discuss with her boyfriend, especially when he's knot-deep inside her, but--] I'll be pretty sore but...it's pretty resilient.

[The way she says it...definitely implies she's had some experiences that were less than pleasant. Her attempting to be eaten by him notwithstanding. And, even though it is awkwardly put, she feels a bit more at ease now, looking up at him.]

But you...you're... [This was his first time... Through her haze of discomfort, and the ruddy blush beneath her fur, she looks concerned.] Are you okay?

[That is...a good question. Is he okay?]

I...think so...

[He sounds pretty hoarse and breathless even as he says that though, like he's not entirely sure. At the very least he's pretty sure he didn't break anything, it's just a sensation unlike any he's ever felt. A discomfort unlike anything...

He's going to be really sore after this too, and much in a similar way as Haru will be.]

This is the first time I've...er. K...knot....

[You know. Busted a nut and then proceeded to get his knot stuck in somebody, obviously.]

It just feels...strange, that's all. Not in a bad way.

[It's common knowledge, at this point, that up until right now that Legosi had been a Virgin with a capital V. So Haru knows that all of what went down is an entirely new experience for him, one which she wishes she had put more thought and care into instead of acting on her own selfish whims. Had she done any reading, she'd have been better prepared for this. Maybe not go for the gold so to speak to see if she could take him in his entirety, maybe let Legosi explore a little bit more.

So it's why, hands trailing up his palms, once more lacing his fingers through his and just holding his hands, she keeps talking with him, touching him, experiencing this together as two people who have varying experiences but share the understanding that this is a first for them both. And contrary to romance novels, movies, and even just plain porn, first times are rarely if ever perfect. Sex in general, honestly, is never perfect. It's more about who you're with.]

Next time we'll take it slower. Where it'll stop feeling strange altogether. [She gives him a reassuring squeeze.] Just tell me when it feels right to pull out, okay? I don't want to hurt you.

[It must be strange, for her as someone so small to worry about hurting him, but a part of what made sex important to her is that it's an affirmation of equality. Of seeing eye to eye. Being in the same situation, similar feelings, being close. And even if his body is the one locking her in place there is very much a mutual bond through all of this.

She has a feeling, if things work in their favour, she'll be able to tell when it's safer to move when she starts leaking all over him and the bedspread. Because this is way more than her body is made for. But, communication is key.]

I'll help you clean up too. And... [A laugh slips out, but it's gentle.] I hope you have extra bedsheets.

[Legosi nods a little, though he wishes he could promise Haru that time would be coming any time soon. It's only been a few minutes, yet the swelling hasn't gone down really at all. It's sensitive to the point of being painful in a way erections simply are not, and while instinctively he wants to get away from it, part of him also wants to stay here for much longer. It's a very strange battle of wits going on in his head right now, one that he has to shove to the wayside for the time being so he can focus on Haru in particular.

He's definitely more worried for her sake than he is his own, but...it's appreciated to see the same concern afforded to him in reverse. It makes him feel a whole lot less...bad about how all of this ended up shaking out, especially when things seemed to be going so well at first. So far they're 2|0 on the board of "times sex went wrong", but they have all of the time in the world to figure this out. That, and he highly doubts either of them will be satisfied with just letting this be it and giving up here. It's a minor setback...well, maybe more major than minor, but still.]

I have at least one spare. [Thank GOD] But it's going to feel a little cheap...

[He couldn't afford a really nice spare, but honestly it's not like the sheets he uses now are exactly plush either. They're servicable and plain, and that's all he's ever really needed.]

But...I'm going to buy more, soon.

[For next time.]

[Haru, luckily and strangely, has the patience of a saint when things actually matter, and while there's a lot more pain and discomfort going on than...she's honestly ever felt with a partner, she knows after a bit of physical (and emotional) recovery she'll be up for having sex with him again.

The fact that this doesn't feel completely wrong is a good sign. Though part of it comes from a very archaic, primordial desire to have young and have young successfully. Again, a fact that she's ignoring and not admitting to beyond her "it feels good" confession.

Because she's not...actually hoping for that.]

I prefer cheap material over wet and sticky... [Said with brutal honesty.] We can make a shopping trip for new bedsheets later this week.

[It's an awkwardly mundane conversation to be had with your boyfriend's cock inside you but, again, there's an intimacy to hashing out domestic life planning. After fucking. A very brief, very fleeting fuck.

And in another beat or two of passing, her leg having fallen complete asleep and tingling in the worst way possible, she winces a bit and tries her best not to shift against him lest she accidentally tear something.]

Maybe this'll be more comfortable if we...laid down? Or do we, um, have to keep this position?

[Poor Haru. As uncomfortable as he feels, it must be even worse on her end since she isn't even on the bed proper. He thinks on her question for a moment, before deciding that ultimately...it probably doesn't really matter if they do, right?]

Laying down should be fine...

[He's already resigned himself to the mess to come being huge and inavoidable, so anything else they do is going to be relatively inconsequential. And since Legosi is so much bigger, it's a little easier for him to very carefully shift so he's leaning on his side at first, giving Haru more space to shift so she's able to lay herself down first instead of sitting up on his hips as she had been. It's a little awkward to figure out, since they're still stuck together, but Legosi is willing to let Haru take up any position she needs to to be comfortable.]

[With the opportunity given and offered, Haru shifts to just lay on top of him, taking care with the way she moves. There's a moment of discomfort, of feeling him move inside a still very sensitive area as she adjusts herself to rest her cheek against his stomach, but she manages, legs stretching slightly for a moment at either side of his hips to lessing tingling sensation in the one that's fallen asleep.

At first, the way she lays on top of him emphasizes the tension of where they've been tied, pulling in a way that reminds her (and probably him) that no, they're still stuck in this for the long haul, but after she shifts back in a way where the pull lessens, she remains content laying against him.

In the end, all she really wants is to be held, to keep things from feeling like a total failure. It's not the first time she's cuddled with someone still inside her, but there's a difference between choosing it and having the obligation. And laying against him is calming, in a way that has her relaxing which is probably key to...making it easier for him to pull out when the time comes. Or at least more comfortable for them both.

Possibly.]

Is this all right for you?

[Said as she draws her arms around him in a hug, lacing her fingers through his fur. Like he's a big stuff animal for her to lounge on.]

[Legosi stays still and quiet as Haru repositions herself, occasionally having to screw his eyes shut when the tug between them reminds him of just how stuck they truly are. But eventually- eventually- they're still again...and as long as he keeps that pushed to the back of his mind, it's easy to imagine that they're just doing some post-coital cuddling. That's why his answer ends up slipping out, sounding a little too casual for the situation at hand.]

It's...perfect.

[Because beyond the mishap, it is perfect. It's really all Legosi could have ever hoped for, and it isn't just about the sex. It's about Haru, and seeing her happy and fulfilled with someone as large and sometimes incompatible as he is. It's proof that in spite of everything, they're making this work.

He puts his arms gently around her in turn, his fingertips stroking gently at the space behind her ears.

They'll make this work.]

[It's casual, but an answer that has Haru fully relaxing against him to the best of her ability, focusing her attention away from feeling much too full and instead on the moment itself.

She lets out a sigh, of slight relief, and as the pads of his fingers brush gently against her soft fur, she shuts her eyes.]

Perfect. [Said in turn, because she feels the exact same. In fact, it's fulfilling, in some respect, because to her this relationship was never about sex but something more. Getting to know someone she liked both inside and out, loving an animal through both the good and the bad, and what was an imperfect night made for a perfect learning experience.

One that's she not actually going to regret. Because even the biggest kinds of mistakes with Legosi feel right. She's quiet for a bit, tracing circles lazily around tufts of fur, listening to his loud and slow heartbeat that's a stark contrast to the quicker pace of a rabbit's even at rest. Feeling his breath rise and fall in a steady, rocking rhythm. It's still amazing, envy-inducing in some ways, at just how much of him there is, and she really wishes that she were big enough to physically be able to see eye-to-eye with him at a time like this.

But...even then, she feels equal. Calm. And most importantly for their current situation, completely at ease. So, in just as casual of a voice as before:]

I love you. [Maybe it's a weird time to say it but, hey. When it feels right, it feels right. And it's not like it's the first nor the last time he'll hear her say it.] I'm happy about tonight.

[Haru always says the things that Legosi can never quite voice at the right time, even though that's exactly what he's thinking, too. What he's feeling. The shift of blankets can be heard as his tail starts to wag behind him, very slight so as not to disturb their current positioning.]

...I love you too, Haru-chan. I could not have wanted for more, for a first time.

[It could have been, in retrospect, far worse. It could always be worse. Hell, Haru tried to let Legosi eat her the first time they tried, and when you compare the two that's probably still the worst. Even if this turned out as a failure on a technical level, Legosi still enjoyed himself. It felt good, despite how stressful it got, and Haru's understanding makes it that much easier for him to relax.

It also means that his knot is also finally starting to go down. Little bit by little bit, easing up on its vice-grip on Haru.]

[A~ah...hearing him say that has her heart skipping a beat in turn. Because Legosi, while so honest of his affection for her, is still the sort of guy who keeps a lot of things to himself. So in hearing his response, the soft sound of his tail wagging carefully beneath them, she snuggles her face in closer.]

I'm glad. I was worried this would scare you back into sleeping on the floor. [Or in his usual 'safe' position of his back facing hers. Luckily they've gotten over that hump, but with the way things went...

It could be worse. Easily. And, while she avoids moving her lower half as best she can, though not noticing the change outright, in time, after a few more minutes of just cuddling and relaxing against him, she feels

...warm. A slow and steady excess of wet and warm forming between the two of them the more the knot recedes with time and calm. And the sensation, a relief in knowing that soon they'll be able to pull apart safely, still has the tips of Haru's ears burning up from embarrassment because.

Ok look. A lot has happened tonight. She's not looking to pathologize just what it is about this that remains simultaneously embarrassing but hot. All she wants, honestly, is the bathe in the afterglow of being her boyfriend's first time.]

Just, um... [She's not going to try to remove herself from him, not until she feels certain.] After we change everything, I want to keep holding you.

[Carefully stroking his fur as she speaks.]

With your face close to mine.

[Honestly, it was...tempting. Very tempting. But at this point, with as much of each other as they've seen, Legosi had decided that it would make things even more awkward for both of them if he'd closed himself off immediately following. He doesn't want Haru to get the wrong impression as if he didn't enjoy it at all...that couldn't be further from the truth.

And yeah...Legosi isn't kidding himself about how things are going to shake out in the next few minutes. It's going to get messy very fast, but he's going to gauge Haru's reaction to it all before he decides how best to handle it. It's probably not even the worst she's seen in the bedroom, he imagines...it's just very different. You're going to just be in contact with far more bodily fluids than you'd ever want to normally if you're up for this sort of activity, Legosi has found.

...it makes him very glad he has very little exposed skin compared to some animals. He can't imagine how miserable that must be.

Legosi breathes out slowly, the single long breath he takes spanning at least three of Haru's.]

I'd like that too. Very much.

[Indeed it's very different from experiences she's had in the past. Because typically, the messiness came along the moment of climax, where everything is still intense and pleasurable. But on a delay like this, the warmth of it not only from him but the way it had been kept locked inside her?

She doesn't want to break whatever little post-coitus spell they managed to make out of this. But the more seconds turn into minutes, and the more his knot shrinks, she feels both relief from the way he's shrunk inside her and whatever it is she was going to say in response or in question is broken up with a shuddering breath as she chances movement. Lifting herself up.

And everything comes out. With less of an intense feeling as it had been when he had came inside her, but--it's a liberating sensation. Like letting go of a breath she's been holding in for so long.]

Ah... I-I'm...glad. [Said, voice stuttering, as she feels her inner thighs get wet and sticky with his cum and, probably, some of her own residual wetness that had made getting him in possible. She sits up in his lap, inching forward to sit just below his belly button as he remains laid out below her and--

She doesn't want to spread this mess onto him; make him have to clean himself up just as much as she needs it, but crawling forward she's going to forgo the discomfort for the relief instead and once her face is at his, she leans in to kiss him. Deep. Her heart hammering in her chest from this secondary sort of release, enough where he'll probably feel it all through her body.]

[When his knot finally releases Haru, Legosi actually groans aloud at the feeling it elicits. It's a relief on both ends, both for Haru to be liberated and for Legosi to no longer be dealing with such tightness on all sides, despite how warm and comfortable in a sense it was...he's completely spent, and now that everything's going soft down there he wants to give it a bit of a rest. With time and practice he'll be able to do more, he thinks...especially if Haru happens to catch him in "male mode".

He doesn't mind her climbing up onto him, even if it means the mess between them is getting even messier. He's already going to need to wash after all of this- it's not something you can just let sit, not unless you want to deal with dried cum in your fur which nobody wants- so what's a little more at this point? Of course, he was expecting her to just lay there...so when it's for a kiss instead, he's more than a little taken aback.

Haru...

His jaws part to let her inside, though instead of just letting her kiss him, he'll kiss her back just as deeply. He's too tired to hesitate. Hope you don't mind a wolf tongue in your mouth, Haru.]

[She's sore, worn out, body aching in ways she never thought she could possibly ache. And though both of them are in need of a shower, especially her with the way her lower half is just...a mess, she wants to spend a moment longer in this moment to make things right and to encourage Legosi in trying again in the near future instead of just washing up and turning over for the night.

So sitting up on his chest, hands on both sides of his muzzle, there is still that slight kick inside her gut that's never going to go away when his jaws part with her face so close to his, but instead of an instinctive desire to push herself forward and into him, her own jaw relaxes and allows his large, flat canine tongue into her mouth. At times it misses and overwhelms, catching her chin or her nose, the differences between them beyond just size but also the shape of their mouths but--

It's just how it's always going to be. The way their bodies fit will always be one of trial and error, and she loves him for it. And, though physically exhausted, in this lazy and languid kiss, she feels a familiar warmth starting to reignite at her core. She can do more at the level some people are able to go for multiple rounds after a few moments of rest but, for both their sakes she parts from his mouth, stopping to actually take a breath, and lays back down to where her face fits perfectly against the dip from his neck right above his collarbone.]

We need to wash up.

[Said muffled against him, her ears feeling hot and no doubt burning a bright red where her white fur thins out. She really hopes it's late enough where heading to the washrooms to clean themselves don't have them running into the neighbors.]

[He's glad that Haru just accepts that, instead of finding it weird. He'd even be fine if she laughed about it, because really it is awkward to just have your wolf boyfriend licking your face while you're trying to kiss. He just can't help it sometimes, since she's so much smaller than he is...and maybe it's part instinct too, just to want to taste her. She's, in the most literal sense, still prey, after all. She's his prey.

These days, though, that word has better connotations than one might originally assume.

The kiss ends briefly after it began, with Haru sinking back down to rest against him and Legosi laying there with his head swimming, a mixture of replaying what just happened as well as the overwhelming scent of not just Haru but himself pervading the room. He never disliked the smell of canines- he's well used to it, having lived in close quarters with his pack for so long- but he isn't usually able to smell his own scent. It's...a lot...and he'd feel halfway self conscious about it if he wasn't aware that Haru simply didn't care about that.]

Yeah, probably...

[He really doesn't want to, but he can already feel that stickiness of his fur getting tacky and threatening to get worse if they sit there long enough to let it dry. Gross.]

Do, um. Do you think...

[...]

...are you going to be able to...stand?

[In choosing to room and board and sleep with a large wolf, you pretty much have to make your bed with how canines smell and learn to live with it. Maybe in the beginning, Haru would have minded, but when you love someone the way they smell feels right, or at least something you get used to and not mind.

Nevermind the fact that while rabbits are sensitive to smells, it will never come close to matching that of a wolf's.

She's honestly more concerned about how to get from point A to B after taking on much more than she was prepared to take, nevermind the fact that she's still...well, she knows the rest of what remains inside of her is going to come out when she stands and walks.]

I can stand. [Said without hesitation, stubborn and slightly defensive. Sure she's starting to ache now that he's pulled out and she feels a bit wobbly, but the last thing she wants is to be carried. Still, she hesitates, if only to keep close to Legosi for a beat longer, before she slides off him.

For now, she's going to remain kneeling, feeling around on the floor besides the futon for her nightgown to pull over, finding her discarded underwear first. There's a definite wince, a sharp flick of her ear, as she slips her underwear on, still not moving much. Trying her best not to look too grossed out at the tackiness between her thighs and wherever else it's gotten all over her. Finally she stands, unable to mask her frown and the way her body shudders at the motion, but she does walk to pick up her nightgown, pulling it over.] Ah it's...

[Short. Which is nice when you're trying to look sexy for your boyfriend, less-so when you have to walk from his room to the communal bathroom. And even with her fur being so short and fine, it's mussed up like she used a lot of hair gel.....]

The washroom is usually unoccupied this late at night, right?

[...oh, god.

If anyone sees her like that, they're...pretty immediately going to know what's been going on. Not that it's any other animal's business, especially when Legosi at this point knows most everyone in the condo, but...that doesn't mean he wants everyone present aware. He figures they were at least...quite enough, especially since things didn't last that long to begin with.

He sits up carefully, watching Haru to make sure she's as okay to stand as she says she is. He doesn't want to push her, or make her feel incompetent in any way by suggesting he helps, but he's just...worried. He's not sure how easy it's going to be for him to get to the washroom, much less his much smaller girlfriend.

He'll nod to that, though, very carefully peeling the sheets away from himself to sort of...fold over, not wanting to spread things around any more than he already has.]

It...should be fine, as long as we're quiet.

[There's no denying the awkwardness of the way she stands, half watching Legosi as he gets up from the bed, maneuvering in a way to keep the wet spot from growing larger, all while feeling what remains inside her leaking out, underwear uncomfortably wet and tacky. But she knows she can't keep standing around, and though she's definitely walking weirdly, she moves around to grab fresh towels and washcloths for the two of them, along with the large bar of soap they currently share because Haru still has to buy her own.

And after tonight? Yup. She's definitely going to get some nice-smelling, more girly soap. Maybe some pain pills for aches and cramps, a nice extra bedspread for the futon...

~~A book about canine anatomy.......~~]

Mmmhmm, quiet... [Her ears are still radiating heat, and as she brings the cheap towels Legosi owns up to her face, waiting for him to finish up and pull something on. She wonders if it's better for her to head to the washroom first, but...no. Honestly...] It'll be nice to wash up, and sleep under some nice clean sheets.

[YEAH SORRY, HARU...Legosi's place is, plain and simple, still outfitted like a bachelor pad. And...not even a very outfitted one at all to begin with. It's no secret that he lived pretty sparingly before, but they're honestly lucky he even had spare sheets. Probably thanks to Sebun, who realized that he was sorely lacking and basically insisted she help him get his apartment more in order...

But, right. Clothes. Uh. He did not think this through, much less did he prepare properly...so he'll follow Haru's example, pulling his boxers back on which thankfully don't cling to him quite like what Haru's wearing. It gives him a bit more room to breathe as he fusses with the futon for a moment more before standing, quickly grabbing his shirt to jerk back on as well. It had been tossed pretty far off the side in all of their moving around, so it managed to escape everything unscathed.]

Let's hurry.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

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