90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

[mytarget]

 

 Fail Sex♦The Meme




While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.


mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability. 


outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

 

Comments

[mightdoriya]

[It's hard for Izuku to not notice Ochako moving her hands away like that, especially with the production of stopping out of nowhere he'd just put on. So he'll balk himself, turning his attention to her so he can follow where her gaze is...

Yeah. Yep. She's seen it too.

Him.]

U-uhh...

[MAYBE THEY SHOULD

UHHH......]

[floatsaway]

['Uhh' is right. Ochako glimpses first at the godawful, grinning visage of All Might, and then snaps her attention back to her dear boyfriend, swallowing the lump in her throat. Maybe they can just ignore it? I mean, like...people have said once you really get into the, you know...heat of things, everything else starts to fade away other than your partner s-so!

But, just as Ochako opens her mouth to respond, to offer a suggestion, she looks past Deku's shoulder and. By the heavens, there's a whole row of All Might figures all lined up perfectly on his desk not even six feet from where they are. She pales, because each one is boldly grinning, and she swears that the very last one in the row even winked (it didn't, her mind is just running away with her delusions). The thumbs up pose Deku must have put him in certainly isn't helping none, either.]

Umm...m-maybe--

[They should stop? Go under the covers? Turn off the lights?? GO TO HER GODDAMN ROOM???]

[mightdoriya]

[While all of those things are perfectly viable options, Izuku all of a sudden can't quite get his now stress-addled brain to settle on any one of them that isn't stop immediately because your lord and savior All Might is watching. Which, on one hand...he doesn't want to do? Like, he would like to continue...this...preferably...

...but he's realizing more and more as the awkward seconds tick by that if any sort of hanky panky is going to occur, it sure as hell won't be happening here.

He glances back down at Ochako after a moment, having already subconsciously pulled his hands away to rest them along her shoulders. Her perfectly safe, respectable shoulders.]

...All Might is here.

[That's all he can manage to squeak out.]

[floatsaway]

[It sure as hell isn't going to happen here, because Ochako too is getting a bit blindsided by the sheer amount of All Might that is quite literally everywhere in Izuku's room. She never really noticed it before, even when they were just kissing or cuddling, but now that they planned to...Do The Deed™, she's sort of stunned into silence by the vastness of her boyfriend's obsession collection.

Izuku, sweetie...you need another hobby.

After a few more agonizing seconds, Ochako coughs a little and tries to squirm out from under her boyfriend. The mood's been properly killed, and there's no possible way to reignite it unless they either 1.) take the literal hours needed to tear down all this merch just so they can fuck, or 2.) relocate to a different place...preferably her room.]

Eh...hehe. Th-That is his catchphrase. [Oh god, that's so dumb. Why'd she say that? Fuck. Shit. Goddammit--] Maybe we...rushed things a little bit. We don't have to d-do that...sort of thing. Tonight.

[She coughs again, turning scarlet as her eyes flicker to one of his dozes of action figures looming down at them from a high shelf. Gods.] I-I should, um...g-get going!! I guess? To my room. Y-Yeah...

[mightdoriya]

Oh! Uh- I mean...y-yeah! That's okay!

[Izuku is immediately trying to move so Ochako can get up, but it's even more awkward and clumsy since he was like...straddling her...so he has to really crawl his way backwards so he can sit up properly, perched on the edge of his bed now like an anxious bird. It's definitely not obvious by the way he tries to discreetly snatch one of his pillows off the bed to hold in his lap that he's...struggling, in more departments than one, but it's legitimately a wonder he even still has a boner with the turn this situation has taken. Whether he does for sure or not is going to remain a mystery to their virgin eyes, because he just doesn't want things to become even more awkward than they already are.

Of course now the embarrassment he feels is dizzying, because all he can think about is how Ochako must feel. She's probably disappointed as best, or horrified by how this turned out at worst...like, she knows he loves All Might, but he imagines she hadn't prepared herself for this. What if she can't handle it? What if she decides to break up with him after-??]

Should I- um...d...do you want me to.....uh...w-walk you back?

[floatsaway]

[Yeah...Izuku is about as subtle as a foghorn in a lot of department, and the pillow held to his lower "struggle" in indicative enough that he, uh...he was raring to go. Ochako does feel a little bit bad about it, because he's uh...got to deal with that in some fashion (hopefully he doesn't have fanboy merch in the bathroom, dear god), but at the same time he did kind of invite this sort of horrendous scenario. But at the least she does look a little sheepish as she leans forward after sliding off the head and giving her boyfriend a gentle kiss on the cheek.

She's very quick to orient herself - fixing her hair, straightening her clothes, making sure nothing's too wrinkled - not wanting to overstay her welcome (or be in the loom eyeline of all the All Mights in the room), but seems to jolt when her hand is on the handle of his door.]

Eh? W-Wha...oh!! Um, y-yeah? Yes!! Sure...o-okay.

[Ochako flusters, fidgeting nervously as she swallows the massive lump in her throat as her eyes flicker over to Izuku again. Vainly she tries to smother the stupid, crooked grin on her face, and the thienly veiled ember of hope that he reignited that...m-maybe?? They could continue??? Her room is less, uh...this. It's less this.]

I-If you...want to? With me? Co--walk with me.

To my room.

[...]

Eep.

[mightdoriya]

[Izuku only realizes after he's offered that...he's going to struggle getting there without his current...issue being noticed, but as long as they don't run into anyone else it should be fine?? He's wearing baggy sweatpants so you really have to look...or at least know what's going on.

God, how does this seem to just keep getting worse...]

Y-yes! I don't mind, just um-....one sec.

[He's quick to slide off the bed himself, hurling that pillow aside. He considers briefly going to his closet and grabbing a jacket to tie around his waist before ultimately deciding against it and instead shamefully joining Ochako by the door. That would be even more obvious, he thinks.]

[floatsaway]

[Ochako really...can't tear her eyes away, though she certainly tries. There's still a burning want in the pit of her stomach - they'd been pretty close to...ahem - but one look to the side and locking eyes with a poster of All Might reduces the heat in her gut to Absolute Zero in record time. Honestly, how the hell does Izuku exist in this room? Ochako would lose her mind if she had to so much as change into her pajamas in front of so much All Might.

But, if he were to draw attention to, uh...that place, even as they walk, people would definitely know what they were up to, and while Ochako's pretty sure no one would actually tell on them, best not take the chance rumors start spreading, even throughout the dorms. Mina and Hagakure alone can sniff out good gossip like fucking bloodhounds, Ochako is sure of it.]

Ah, eh...t-take your time...

[Ochako, meanwhile, is cracking Izuku's door open and peeking out carefully, to make sure the coast is clear. The last thing they need is to come in contact with anyone while they do the walk of shame together. A look left, a look right, and--]

I think everyone's still downstairs, mostly. Coast looks clear...

[mightdoriya]

Alright, let's hurry...

[Izuku sounds utterly defeated, his voice small both from shame and to keep from being overheard as he steps out into the hallway with Ochako, letting her lead since she knows the quickest route to her dorm anyway. Maybe if they're super lucky they'll get out of this one unscathed. Maybe.

As they start walking though, Izuku sort of casts her a sidelong glance, his brows upturned.]

I'm...really sorry about all of that.

[floatsaway]

['Let's hurry' indeed, because they have two floors they have to go down to get to Izuku's. Ochako reaches back, hearing the crushes tone in his voice, and takes his hand in hers before reaching up to give him a kiss on the cheek - chaste and sweet. She's a little disappointed, sure, but not enough that it'll ruin anything between them. It's actually a little funny, in hindsight.

The trek, thankfully, isn't too bad. The only person they see on the way to the fourth floor is Tsuyu, who merely waves to the two and goes about her business. She's never been the nosy type, always staying in her lane and going with the flow of things. God bless Ochako's bestie, truly. Still, the grip on Izuku's hand is slightly bruising when Ochako drags up up the last flight of stairs and towards her door.

Where they stand outside of. Awkwardly. Ah--]

I-It's fine, Izuku...really. I'm not mad at you, um. [She blushes, voice lowering and looking away meekly.] It was a little funny, now that I think about it, ehehe. And, y'know, um. W-We can always...t-try again sometime.

[mightdoriya]

[It is awkward, but at this point Izuku isn't sure anything on this earth could be more awkward than what they'd just experienced. For better or worse, he at least feels like he can mirror her nervous smile, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as they still hold hands. He can still feel his face burning where she'd kissed him a few minutes ago, even.]

It'll probably be funnier each time we think back on it, honestly...

[Funnier, but no less mortifying.

At the suggestion of a next time- and he's so glad she's even willing to consider a "next" time- Izuku's expression softens, and he leans in to deliver a kiss of his own, this one against Ochako's forehead.]

Your room, next time.

[floatsaway]

[It's definitely going to be up there on Ochako's list of "Terrible Experiences", for sure, but it's going to make one hell of a funny story when they're older. Maybe even a little thing just between themselves, too - like an inside joke!! That'd actually be kind of nice, and...well. It's just how these things go sometimes, right? There's always bound to be times where things just don't go as planned. A-At least it wasn't worse than just this.

Ochako giggles again, nodding her head before unlocking and opening her bedroom door. There's a moment where she hesitates, and the devil on her shoulder whispers quietly in her ear to let him inside, that there's still time, that they could be quiet, but she shakes it off. Better to just...j-just be on her own for the rest of the evening. It's fine!! There's always--]

N-Next time. Yeah... [Her face is broiling, and she might just bury herself in her futon once she closes the door, but Ochako takes a deep breath, and a bold step into Izuku's space, kissing him softly on the lips, rubbing their noses together.] Soon.

[And, before the mortifying weight of embarrassment can slam onto her like an avalanche, Ochako ducks into her room and peeks out from a crack in the door, squeaking softly.]

'Night...I-Izuku.