oddsandends | 5th ♫ | put in some grenadine syrup and don't forget the dry gin

1. I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.

2. My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell

3. I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable

4. text her! :V

1. You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.

2. Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.

3. I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.

4. text her :V

(403):

And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.

Edited 2015-05-17 17:07 (UTC)

Thanks for carrying me to bed... and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.

1. He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.

2. Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.

3. Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.

4. So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?

5. i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.

or text her!

1. I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy

2. If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.

3. So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?

4. text her?

1) I just found glass in the funny face pancakes I made this morning, there's nothing funny about that.

2) I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes

3) why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him

4) Text her!!

1. I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you

2. The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.

3. This baby is an asshole

4. Text her?

1. it's a beautiful day for a hangover 2. remind me to tell my friend to book another spot at that bar. last time was fun 3. the fox took my allowance again. sigh. 4. the cat is hogging my scooter. catnip isn't working to draw it away. send help?

Edited 2015-05-20 08:56 (UTC)

1. Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.

2. Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.

3. Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.

4. text him!

Junko Enoshima - Dangan Ronpa

Miku Hatsune - Vocaloid (World is Mine)

Mikado Ryuugamine | Durarara!! (x2 Canon)

Saigusa Haruka | Little Busters!

Natsuru Senou - Kämpfer (Holly Heights, Forestcovered, despair!AU, etc.)