oddsandends | 90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

Fail Sex♦The Meme

While it would be fantastic if it was, not all sex is magical. Sometimes, sex is awkward and funny or just really, really bad. Sometimes people just fail at it and don't know what they're doing! Or something goes wrong and ruins it all.

It's all about how you handle it...

- Post your character's name | series | preferences.
- Not anything you might not be interested in playing out.
- Others go to random.org and role 1-3 for a type of fail, then 1-10 for specifics or make up your own.
- Respect others.
- Have fun!

bodily functions →

1 ♦ happens to everyone...
You can't get it up or you're just not getting wet enough for this to be comfortable. Don't worry, this happens to everyone at some point.
2 ♦ cramps/injury!
Ouch, your leg is cramping or your back is protesting the position. Maybe you fell off the bed and hit your head. Ouch.
3 ♦ Can't get there.
Is it the position? Your partner? Whatever, you just can't get off tonight.
4 ♦ Broken!
Oh, oops, the condom broke. Or maybe you forgot to pull out fast enough, take your pill or some other contraceptive fail.
5 ♦ Embarrassing noises...
You just got caught passing gas or something equally embarrassing.
6 ♦ minute man
You just came way too fast.
7 ♦ blame it on the alcohol.
That last drink sounded great, but now you're literally too drunk to do anything.
8 ♦ I'm fine...
You can't do it because you're actually injured and your lover would definitely see if you took off your clothes. Maybe you can be clever about it...
9 ♦ love bites
Those aren't from your current partner... well, maybe there's a good explanation as to why they're there!
10 ♦ sick
You're down with a cold or flu and you just don't feel very sexy at all.

mental blocks →

1 ♦ guilty
You might want to, but you did something wrong and you don't feel like you should have the right.
2 ♦ distraction
You just have way too much on your mind to focus today...laundry, bills, work, school. Maybe you're just trying to figure out the plot to that movie you just saw!
3 ♦ not in the mood
You're tired or just not in the mood, no matter how hard you try.
4 ♦ wrong name
You just called out the wrong name... sorry, honey.
5 ♦ jealous
You think you saw your lover with someone else and you're too mad to care about sex right now.
6 ♦ it's not you- okay, so it is...
You're just so totally turned off by your lover right now...
7 ♦ over the line
Dirty talk is great, but not that name!
8 ♦ laughter is not always the best medicine
Your lover is trying so hard to be sexy for you, but you just can't stop laughing...
9 ♦ nervous
It's your first time and nerves are making it so hard to do. You just don't even know what you're doing...maybe you should wait!
10 ♦ trauma
Trauma is keeping you from enjoying this moment to the best of your ability.

outside influences →

1 ♦ caught in the act
You were caught in the middle of the act and the reaction wasn't great.
2 ♦ where did i put that...
You can't find the lube or the condoms or that nifty new sex toy...
3 ♦ phone
The phone just won't quit ringing!
4 ♦ another person's clothes...
You were getting hot and heavy until you find a suspicious item of clothing shoved under the pillow or cushion, maybe under the seat of the car! Hey, maybe there's an innocent explanation!
5 ♦ stop cockblocking me, bro!
That friend of yours is making sure you're not going to get any tonight... maybe on purpose.
6 ♦ threatened
You were threatened to not be with your lover anymore, so you better try to explain yourself.
7 ♦ Weather
Outside sex sounded great! Until the weather picked up... Snow or a lightning storm just aren't very sexy.
8 ♦ wrong person!
You just sent a sexy message or photo to more than just your lover!
9 ♦ I want to suck your duck
Auto-correct just wants to spice up your sexting, that's all.
10 ♦ not working...
That toy or being tied down is just not going to work for you...

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[Thing is, Izuku has proven himself to be all the things Ochako wanted, too. There have been a few times where her feelings for him had been put in question - doubts and stupid, invasive thoughts about them as a couple, but. At the end of it all, Ochako realized that what she liked most about Izuku was that he cared about people just as much as she did. He was earnest, honest, giving, and always did his best for everyone, to make sure they were safe and happy - 'I'm the Deku that always does my best'. He really came into that Hero name in spades. And Ochako is glad to have been able to watch it happen, to grow together with him.

Dear god, how they ever expect to get past touching or kissing is going to be a miracle in any right, because the moment Izuku starts to fluster and blush, Ochako parrots him and ducks her head into her shoulders and slaps her hands to her burning cheeks. They're...th-they're really going to do it!! Them! T-Together... Is she really ready? Yes, the answer is still yes, but man those invasive thoughts are starting to loom over her shoulder angrily, snarling into her ear that what if. What if he doesn't like how you look? What if he doesn't enjoy himself? What if he decides he can find someone better? What if they get caught? What if something happens? What if, what if, what if--

She jumps a bit when Izuku returns, peering into the box curiously and making the connection between the open box and just. Blinks and turns her face away so ask not to be caught looking too much or too long at the size of them. She can't help it!! I-It's right THERE! On th-the cover of the b-b-box!!]

Ehehe, you're...always prepared, huh, Deku-kun? [OH MY GOD. FUCKING. REALLY?? THAT? THAT IS WHAT YOU SAY, OCHAKO?? JUST BURY YOURSELF RIGHT NOW.] I-I mean!! Of c-c-course you would!! You're s-s-smart, and co-co-considerate and wonderful, and I can't stop looking at your perfect green eyes and face and--

[Oh...lord. Have mercy. Ochako covers her face completely with her hands and falls back on the bed, rolling over sideways] Uwaahhh...

[Ochako and Izuku are as much different as they are the same. It's sort of blatantly obvious in the way they're trying to stumble their way into this in spite of voicing aloud that they both want to do it. It's just the tallest order of all they have to get past: overcoming...themselves.

Easier said than done, as one can imagine.

Fortunately for Izuku, he's turned away and rummaging into his things while Ochako is silently freaking out, though the fact that her response to everything only escalates once he has the box in hand likely isn't helping matters. Not that he can blame her, the only reason he hasn't stammered and interrupted her is because he's been physically biting his tongue to keep himself from blurting something stupid.

Just...calm down. If you don't stay calm, neither of you are going to be doing anything.

Ochako will feel Izuku reach out to put a hand on her shoulder since she's turned away from him, rubbing it a little.]

It's okay...Ochako. [OH fuck he said it] I'm nervous too.

[These two truly are cut from the same cloth. Perhaps it's why they get along so well, and why they were attracted to one another enough to start dating, and...take it to the next level.

Or make the attempt to, anyway.

Man, she feels so stupid. Is it normal to be this freaked out over nothing? it's not like she hasn't seen people do it before or anything! Of course she has - she's a teenager with a laptop and an internet connection, let's be real here. And yet, it feels so different when it's her and Izuku - like her nerves are all alight and she can't stop herself from freaking out, getting inside her head and just quietly imploding in on herself. Why? Is something wrong with her? Why is she so nervous when she should be happy about it? Izuku is the person she loves and wants to be with, she trusts him completely, so why...why is she acting this way?

Her heart skips a beat when she feels his hand on her shoulder, but even more when he says her name. Her given name. Eyes wide, Ochako's eyes flutter a moment and she actually sits up, slightly dazed. O-Oh...did he?]

Wha...wh-what did you just say? I-- [There's a pause, and Ochako puts her hand over his then takes it and laces their fingers together.]

O-oh! Um...

[Now it's his turn to be flustered, sitting up a bit straighter. His eyes dart, both searching Ochako's expression for signs of displeasure or discomfort, as well as maybe also instinctively looking for an escape because oh god, oh god did he fuck up should he abort mission-]

O...Ochako. Is...is it okay for me to call you that? I can go back to Uraraka-san, it's fine-!

[There's not a trace of either on her face, just a bit of muted surprise and a slowly building warmth in her eyes, growing more and more as his voice echoes in her mind over and over. Ochako. It makes her heart flutter and her stomach bubble in a good way (not the bad way, when she's about to throw up), and the second time, Ochako swallows down an absolutely stupid little giggle that escapes her lips for a second or two. She's delighted, and it shows, as Ochako tugs him into her arms and goes in to catch his lips with hers.]

Mm...yeah. Yeah, I like it when you call me that. [A sigh, and she kisses him again, this time keeping their foreheads together and, erm...m-maybe leaning back slowly so they can lay down on his bed.] Um...d-does that mean I c-can I call you...I-Izuku?

[Ah. She said it. She said it!! Ochako squeaks, biting her lip and burying her crimson face into his shoulder, as if that's obviously the best place to hide. Do not perceive her, boyfriendo.]

[She did say it! And, wow...Izuku is getting the same feeling Ochako just did. A warmth in the pit of his stomach that spreads with her laughter still ringing in his ears, and the press of her lips still lingering against his own. It isn't until she leans back a bit that it hits him that they're still doing something here...so he'll help her out by loosening his grip just enough for her to lay down without dragging him forcefully with her.]

It's only fair...I...I'd like that a lot, if you did.

[The warm, bubbling feeling is definitely felt even after Ochako said it, because she knows just what it really means for them and...a-and their relationship. It makes it feel more real, more sturdy, and like it's not something that...that could end up all being a dream. It still feels that way sometimes, after all, so having this affirmation is just. Nice. it's really nice.

Sort of like how having Izuku on top of her like this feels kind of, um...n-nice. In a completely different sort of way. She brushes his face with a hand (pinky up!), and winds her fingers through his green curls gently.]

Mm...o-okay. M-Me, too. ...Izuku. [It's never going to get old, not for a thousand years. Ochako swallows, but this time she can't wipe the dumb smile off her face.] Um...c-can I to...t-touch you?

[Touch as in under his shirt. Over his back. And shoulders. How scandalous. :U]

[Oh boy. Oh boy, touching...that's like, second base, right? Oh god.

Izuku swallows, having to combat a brief bought of dizziness when Ochako calls him by his given name. Izuku...only his mom ever calls him that, so it's really special.]

Y-...yeah. Of course you can.

[That's said as he leans in and sort of just...gently nudges his face against hers, nuzzling her with his nose. A bunny kiss.]

[Second base indeed. Are you truly prepared, Izuku? Ochako coos at the brush of their noses, her eyes hooding as she gazes deeply into his eyes. So pretty and bright...like sunlight filtering through leaves on a summer day. She sighs, wraps him up in a warm hug, then slips her hands slowly up and under his shirt.

There's a wild, static rush on her fingertips the moment Ochako's fingerpads touch bare skin, and she gasps a little because oh. Oh. That's a bit, um...oh, wow. She often forgets how muscular Izuku is under his baggy t-shirts. He has such a sweet, young looking face that it's...easy to forget he's actually a handsome and very built young man. And lord above that realization is doing something to ya girl here.]

Ah...hah. I-Is this o-okay?

[He's really appreciative that even with the knowledge that they're planning to get sum fuk, Ochako is still taking it about as slowly as his brain can comprehend right now. Just feeling her hands against his skin like that is enough to make his breath catch, because even though they have done a little of this before...this is under different circumstances. It's a lot more Real, now.]

Uh huh...

[He murmurs that quietly, distracted. Both by the touch of Ochako's gentle hands, but also being able to see her neck flexing when she moves...close enough to his face that he can't resist the urge to lean in and kiss her there while she feels him up, his lips pressed to the rapid thrum of her pulse as one of his hands wanders to the nape of her neck and up into the back of her hair.]

[Oh, hello.

Well, Ochako sure is fucking glad everyone's probably downstairs and too engrossed in whatever movie they're watching, otherwise the embarrassingly loud gasp and moan that just ripped from her mouth would be really difficult to explain. It takes all her willpower not to accidentally dig her nails into his skin, or even keep her pinkies raised still, but Ochako manages it somehow. Though her whole body is starting to tremble now, and the feverish pulse at her neck that Izuku is so lovingly suckling on increases tenfold, she still manages to keep her hands on him.

Slow brushes up his sides, over and down his back, trickling down his spine...palming his pectorals and maybe rubbing a thumb just once over one of his nipples, Ochako is lost in a haze of sensation, completely overstimulated already and they're just at second base. But wow...wow, this is is. This is something else.

She uh...r-really likes his mouth being right there. H-Holy shit.]

Izu...z-zu...ah--!

[What Ochako will find when she wanders with her hands are literal scores of scars, all over his body. That probably comes as little surprise to her, considering the type of person he is...but there are many that people don't see. Much smaller and faded, unlike the visible ones that stand out in stark relief on his skin at all times. And when he feels her hands on his back, he replies physically in the way his back arches against her palms, a low sound issuing from his throat against her neck.

They're both vocal in bed, it seems, but even then the way she says his name like that leaves Izuku feeling dizzy himself. He turns his head a bit to one side so he can kiss at the space underneath her jaw, one of his hands starting to wander dangerously towards the hem of her shirt...

When he looks over to his right, he happens to open his eyes a sliver, just for a moment. Just long enough to lock eyes with the poster of All Might near his door, grinning and staring right back at him.]

.........

[He goes still, pausing for a moment.]

[In all honesty, Ochako has her own small, mostly healed and faded scars all over her body, too. They're in the same training course, fighting villains out on patrols and working hard. Countless times she's gotten injured, and Recovery Girl and basic medicine can only do so much. She's never gotten to the point of injury like Izuku has, but...that one villain on Nabu Island that one time. Nine. He got her pretty good, and Ochako came out of that with a few scars to show for it.

Really, none of Izuku's scars were ever a deterrent, though the self-inflicted one always did make Ochako's chest clench up. She doesn't like it when Izuku gets reckless to the point of destroying himself so badly. It hurts her, too, and everyone around him. They all love and care about one another so much, so... But its fine. Izuku's grown a bit, since those early days, and once they're undressed, Ochako is going to show him just how much she adores him as he is, scars and all. Pepper him with kisses and gentle touches, maybe massage his arms and shoulders where she knows the joints and muscle tissue have weakened with continuous strain...lavish every inch of him and hold him to her a while. That'd be nice...

Sort of how right now is all very nice, and Ochako's whimpering and wriggling for him to start exploring her body a bit more, too. She's starting to feel flushed, and a bit needy, wanting to know what it'd feel like for those rough and calloused hands of him to press against her most tender spots. The idea alone sends shivers over her skin, and Ochako sighs, then blinks when he pauses. She makes a soft note of questioning, then opens her eyes and turns her head to look up at him. Why'd he stop?]

Mmh...wha--...what's wrong, De--um, I-Izuku? [That's going to take some time to get used to.]

E- ...uhh.

[Oh. Oh god.

Izuku blinks rapidly, turning his gaze quickly away from the poster in what he hopes was enough time that Ochako didn't notice what he was looking at. Only, now that he and All Might have made eye contact...he can't unsee it. Just there, out of the corner of his eye. Watching. Judging.

What would All Might think if he could see him now, doing...stuff? Well, he probably wouldn't particularly care, since he no doubt got up to his share of canoodling in his younger days, but that isn't how Izuku's brain wants to work right now. All Might himself might as well be standing in the room with his hands on his hips, cheering him on.

Oh god.]

Oh- no, nothing! It's nothing, sorry, I just...um...i-is this comfortable, for you? This...position, I mean.

[Duh, of course it is, where else would Ochako want him but on top, especially now? But he's thinking, okay maybe if he can just...angle himself so he can't see...]

[Thankfully for Izuku, Ochako doesn't quite catch where his eyes were before, what with her attention being mostly focused on him and all. Her head tilts a little to one side as she tries to gauge his response - because, my guy, you are are a garbage liar - and hums a little bit. Chalking it up to nerves, mostly, Ochako nods her head a bit and smiles gently back up at him, trying to reassure her boyfriend that there's really nothing to be ashamed about. Of course, easier said than done, to think otherwise, because...Ochako is sure once the clothes start coming off, she's going to be self conscious as heck, but!! She can try to at least give some of her strength to Izuku instead.]

Mmhm, it's fine. This, um...th-this is just fine...

[Her hand travels back up his shirt, tugging up the hem with her thumbs to expose his chest and lower abdomen so she can maybe lean forward to kiss the spot over his heart a little bit but.

It happens. Ochako's eye catches one of the numerous faces of All Might - posters, figures, everything in between...staring. Grinning. Observing. Ochako freezes up instantly and she just. Quietly and very slowly removes her hands from Izuku's person entirely.

Forgive me, sensei, I have sinned.]

[It's hard for Izuku to not notice Ochako moving her hands away like that, especially with the production of stopping out of nowhere he'd just put on. So he'll balk himself, turning his attention to her so he can follow where her gaze is...

Yeah. Yep. She's seen it too.

Him.]

U-uhh...

[MAYBE THEY SHOULD

UHHH......]

['Uhh' is right. Ochako glimpses first at the godawful, grinning visage of All Might, and then snaps her attention back to her dear boyfriend, swallowing the lump in her throat. Maybe they can just ignore it? I mean, like...people have said once you really get into the, you know...heat of things, everything else starts to fade away other than your partner s-so!

But, just as Ochako opens her mouth to respond, to offer a suggestion, she looks past Deku's shoulder and. By the heavens, there's a whole row of All Might figures all lined up perfectly on his desk not even six feet from where they are. She pales, because each one is boldly grinning, and she swears that the very last one in the row even winked (it didn't, her mind is just running away with her delusions). The thumbs up pose Deku must have put him in certainly isn't helping none, either.]

Umm...m-maybe--

[They should stop? Go under the covers? Turn off the lights?? GO TO HER GODDAMN ROOM???]

[While all of those things are perfectly viable options, Izuku all of a sudden can't quite get his now stress-addled brain to settle on any one of them that isn't stop immediately because your lord and savior All Might is watching. Which, on one hand...he doesn't want to do? Like, he would like to continue...this...preferably...

...but he's realizing more and more as the awkward seconds tick by that if any sort of hanky panky is going to occur, it sure as hell won't be happening here.

He glances back down at Ochako after a moment, having already subconsciously pulled his hands away to rest them along her shoulders. Her perfectly safe, respectable shoulders.]

...All Might is here.

[That's all he can manage to squeak out.]

[It sure as hell isn't going to happen here, because Ochako too is getting a bit blindsided by the sheer amount of All Might that is quite literally everywhere in Izuku's room. She never really noticed it before, even when they were just kissing or cuddling, but now that they planned to...Do The Deed™, she's sort of stunned into silence by the vastness of her boyfriend's ~~obsession~~ collection.

Izuku, sweetie...you need another hobby.

After a few more agonizing seconds, Ochako coughs a little and tries to squirm out from under her boyfriend. The mood's been properly killed, and there's no possible way to reignite it unless they either 1.) take the literal hours needed to tear down all this merch just so they can fuck, or 2.) relocate to a different place...preferably her room.]

Eh...hehe. Th-That is his catchphrase. [Oh god, that's so dumb. Why'd she say that? Fuck. Shit. Goddammit--] Maybe we...rushed things a little bit. We don't have to d-do that...sort of thing. Tonight.

[She coughs again, turning scarlet as her eyes flicker to one of his dozes of action figures looming down at them from a high shelf. Gods.] I-I should, um...g-get going!! I guess? To my room. Y-Yeah...

Oh! Uh- I mean...y-yeah! That's okay!

[Izuku is immediately trying to move so Ochako can get up, but it's even more awkward and clumsy since he was like...straddling her...so he has to really crawl his way backwards so he can sit up properly, perched on the edge of his bed now like an anxious bird. It's definitely not obvious by the way he tries to discreetly snatch one of his pillows off the bed to hold in his lap that he's...struggling, in more departments than one, but it's legitimately a wonder he even still has a boner with the turn this situation has taken. Whether he does for sure or not is going to remain a mystery to their virgin eyes, because he just doesn't want things to become even more awkward than they already are.

Of course now the embarrassment he feels is dizzying, because all he can think about is how Ochako must feel. She's probably disappointed as best, or horrified by how this turned out at worst...like, she knows he loves All Might, but he imagines she hadn't prepared herself for this. What if she can't handle it? What if she decides to break up with him after-??]

Should I- um...d...do you want me to.....uh...w-walk you back?

[Yeah...Izuku is about as subtle as a foghorn in a lot of department, and the pillow held to his lower "struggle" in indicative enough that he, uh...he was raring to go. Ochako does feel a little bit bad about it, because he's uh...got to deal with that in some fashion (hopefully he doesn't have fanboy merch in the bathroom, dear god), but at the same time he did kind of invite this sort of horrendous scenario. But at the least she does look a little sheepish as she leans forward after sliding off the head and giving her boyfriend a gentle kiss on the cheek.

She's very quick to orient herself - fixing her hair, straightening her clothes, making sure nothing's too wrinkled - not wanting to overstay her welcome (or be in the loom eyeline of all the All Mights in the room), but seems to jolt when her hand is on the handle of his door.]

Eh? W-Wha...oh!! Um, y-yeah? Yes!! Sure...o-okay.

[Ochako flusters, fidgeting nervously as she swallows the massive lump in her throat as her eyes flicker over to Izuku again. Vainly she tries to smother the stupid, crooked grin on her face, and the thienly veiled ember of hope that he reignited that...m-maybe?? They could continue??? Her room is less, uh...this. It's less this.]

I-If you...want to? With me? Co--walk with me.

To my room.

[...]

Eep.

[Izuku only realizes after he's offered that...he's going to struggle getting there without his current...issue being noticed, but as long as they don't run into anyone else it should be fine?? He's wearing baggy sweatpants so you really have to look...or at least know what's going on.

God, how does this seem to just keep getting worse...]

Y-yes! I don't mind, just um-....one sec.

[He's quick to slide off the bed himself, hurling that pillow aside. He considers briefly going to his closet and grabbing a jacket to tie around his waist before ultimately deciding against it and instead shamefully joining Ochako by the door. That would be even more obvious, he thinks.]

[Ochako really...can't tear her eyes away, though she certainly tries. There's still a burning want in the pit of her stomach - they'd been pretty close to...ahem - but one look to the side and locking eyes with a poster of All Might reduces the heat in her gut to Absolute Zero in record time. Honestly, how the hell does Izuku exist in this room? Ochako would lose her mind if she had to so much as change into her pajamas in front of so much All Might.

But, if he were to draw attention to, uh...that place, even as they walk, people would definitely know what they were up to, and while Ochako's pretty sure no one would actually tell on them, best not take the chance rumors start spreading, even throughout the dorms. Mina and Hagakure alone can sniff out good gossip like fucking bloodhounds, Ochako is sure of it.]

Ah, eh...t-take your time...

[Ochako, meanwhile, is cracking Izuku's door open and peeking out carefully, to make sure the coast is clear. The last thing they need is to come in contact with anyone while they do the walk of shame together. A look left, a look right, and--]

I think everyone's still downstairs, mostly. Coast looks clear...

Alright, let's hurry...

[Izuku sounds utterly defeated, his voice small both from shame and to keep from being overheard as he steps out into the hallway with Ochako, letting her lead since she knows the quickest route to her dorm anyway. Maybe if they're super lucky they'll get out of this one unscathed. Maybe.

As they start walking though, Izuku sort of casts her a sidelong glance, his brows upturned.]

I'm...really sorry about all of that.

['Let's hurry' indeed, because they have two floors they have to go down to get to Izuku's. Ochako reaches back, hearing the crushes tone in his voice, and takes his hand in hers before reaching up to give him a kiss on the cheek - chaste and sweet. She's a little disappointed, sure, but not enough that it'll ruin anything between them. It's actually a little funny, in hindsight.

The trek, thankfully, isn't too bad. The only person they see on the way to the fourth floor is Tsuyu, who merely waves to the two and goes about her business. She's never been the nosy type, always staying in her lane and going with the flow of things. God bless Ochako's bestie, truly. Still, the grip on Izuku's hand is slightly bruising when Ochako drags up up the last flight of stairs and towards her door.

Where they stand outside of. Awkwardly. Ah--]

I-It's fine, Izuku...really. I'm not mad at you, um. [She blushes, voice lowering and looking away meekly.] It was a little funny, now that I think about it, ehehe. And, y'know, um. W-We can always...t-try again sometime.

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mightdoriya - 2021-12-22 20:58 (UTC) - Expand

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floatsaway - 2021-12-26 18:46 (UTC) - Expand

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

90th ♫ | love just means i never have to think you're right

forgive my slowness, all my games exploded...

YOURE SO FINE DW ABOUT IT

;A; ty ilu chi ♥

IM EVEN LATER BURIES MY FACE IN MY HANDS

SHUSH I LOVE YOU IT'S FINE.

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SUM FUK cfhhghfdhsj

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