oddsandends | 103rd ♫ | i need somebody to love me, to make me feel warm and fuzzy

[ The pounding in her head finds some synchronicity with her heart until she can count a one-two-three tempo on them both like a metronome. The hairs on the back of her neck are prickling but it's far from an unpleasant sensation – after the initial jolt of unease, she feels herself relax and like some of the tension permanently coiled inside her is slowly starting to ease.

It's a little embarrassing just how aware she feels of every single point of contact – not just Akira's hand in her hair, his fingers on her scalp but the scratch of his clothes against her cheek, everything. But again... it's not unpleasant. ]

Mm. It's the same for me, I think. Not always, but...

[ Her voice drifts for a moment. It's softer, now, not quite as high and gentle as it can turn when she's caught off guard but... almost. ]

When I'm angry or upset or my mind feels like it won't stop going in circles... usually, that's how it starts.

[There are plenty of things that Akira has done in his life that he's proud of, but getting Ryoko to relax like this, even a little, places pretty high on the list. The thought that all the effort he's put in to making her feel welcome during her stay in this era really is helping puts him at ease, too.

Every time he gets to hear her voice unburdened by the weariness she carries everywhere, it feels like butterflies start to do backflips in his stomach, and this time is no exception.]

...Is that how it started this time? D'you wanna talk about it?

[She usually doesn't, and that's fine. He tries not to push her to talk, unless it's something he really needs to know, but he'd have to be an idiot to not at least make the attempt, given the circumstances.

It's not like he even has any advice to offer even if she does say she's angry or upset, given how short a fuse he has himself. What the hell is he thinking? He's got it so bad.]

Mm.

[ It's a little easier to think around the pulsing in her head if she focuses on the points where his fingers brush her hair and scalp. The pain isn't easing, necessarily, but with something else to ground her, it's easier to push it to the side. ]

I was just... getting frustrated. I try not to think too much about what could be going on without me in my own time, but... I worry that things could be going wrong.

[ Her eyes flutter open and she finds herself thankful, again, that neither of them can see each other's faces right now. She'd have a hard enough time saying this out loud in any situation, let alone one like this. ]

And the more I worry, the more frustrated I get at being so stuck in place. We made so much progress and now all there is to do is sit around and be patient. And... I'm not very good at that.

[Akira's expression is rueful as she talks about leaving. He runs his fingers through her hair in what he hopes is a soothing manner, keeping his own thoughts about that to himself.]

Yeah...I'm no good at sitting around either, even when the stakes aren't very high.

[It must be terrifying to have no way of knowing what's happening to her friends or her home. She doesn't talk about it much, and Akira doesn't have a complete picture of it, but there are obviously things and people she's determined to protect.]

But you've got other people in Sentinels to make sure things don't go to shit while you're here. I know they'll keep everything together 'til you can get back.

[He doesn't know them, but if they're anything at all like Ryoko, he knows they must be strong.]

If you need to vent some pent up energy or somethin', I can take you to some alley somewhere and we can beat the tar out of some punks, too.

[That is mostly a joke. Mostly.]

[ She gives one of those little huffs that he'll known to recognize as a laugh by now – her smiles are rare and her real laughs are non-existent, so this is as close as it gets. ]

It's tempting but I think I'll pass. That sounds like a good way to end up with an even bigger headache than I started with.

[ That she can make a joke in return is probably a good sign, though, and she does sound relatively soothed – her eyes have fluttered shut again and she's not exactly sleepy but she does feel... restful, maybe.

He's not wrong, though, that venting some of her energy might be good for her. At the very least, having something productive to do would be a good distraction. ]

There must be something else I can do, though. Even if it's just doing more to help Taeko-san when she needs it.

I think she'd like that.

[Akira, with enough fussing, does help out when he needs to, but he's definitely a lot more proactive in emergencies—he spends more time picking on his siblings than helping out with chores, and Taeko cleans up after any minor messes. The proper response here should really be that he'll help out more too, but it is what it is.]

I know you're always worried about imposing, but she's glad to have another older kid staying with her. One that doesn't give her any trouble.

[But he's not going to stop giving her trouble anytime soon, and it's evident in his tone—an almost flighty observation.]

...That...goes for me too, y'know. I know you've gotta get home, but. I'm glad you ended up here, if you had to go somewhere.

[Nailed it.]

[ Ryoko doesn't respond right away. Her quiet is that of someone turning words over in their head trying to work out how to say them – and it really can't be overstated how embarrassing this sort of earnestness would be even if she wasn't resting her head in Akira's lap with his hand in her hair currently. She counts a few more beats of her heart and only makes it to four before she realizes that the matching throb in her head is starting to slow down and lose pace and intensity.

Maybe there's something to this after all. ]

... Mm. So am I. [ There. Just three words. Was that really so hard to say? ] It's frustrating not knowing what could be happening while I'm gone... and I know I have to go back. I'm needed there, for all sorts of reasons. But... it's like you said. If I was going to end up anywhere, I am glad it was here with you and everyone else.

[Akira can feel himself smiling, halfway between something terribly fond and the kind of lovestruck expression that doesn't suit his tough image at all. If either Ryoko or Taroimo saw him right now he'd die of embarrassment, so he's beginning to understand why she was so vehement about not being seen before.

But he's happy that she likes it here, and that she likes him and his family enough to say it.

He's quiet for a while, but to him at least it's a comfortable silence. He hasn't asked how she's feeling, but she hasn't complained yet, and she'd definitely have said something by now if she wasn't at least feeling a little better. Plus, if he asks her how she's doing, she might tell him she's feeling fine and she'd like to sit up now.

It wouldn't be any great tragedy to stop stroking her hair like this, but he doesn't know if he'll get the chance to do something like this for her again, that's all.]

Even after you've made it back...if you could visit occasionally...

[The way she's talked about the gates makes it sound like that might not be possible. If he understands correctly, this place in this time isn't one of the predetermined coordinates that she can usually travel to, and he doesn't know enough about how it works to really get into the details for this kind of discussion.]

...Well, I guess we can talk about that once we get there. Don't wanna work up your headache again.

. . . It's not impossible. Depending on how the gate was created. So long as it doesn't lock itself or go dormant after it's used, there's no reason to assume there'd be no way back.

[ To have come here at all, there had to be shift coordinates even if they weren't the ones she was originally aiming for. And she's heard of gates being locked, but never coordinates being erased entirely, even in Sectors ravaged by kaiju.

It's peaceful here, after all – almost like she remembers it being before she'd ever even heard of the Sentinel Project. Surely there'd be no need to erase the coordinates after she left.

She shouldn't really be thinking of coming back already when they haven't even been able to make sure she can leave. But the closer they come to that goal, the stranger it feels to imagine simply going and never looking back. ]

But... that's all just theory, of course. It's something to worry about later. For now... focusing what I can do here and now for the people here should be my priority.

Yeah. Try to take it easy while you can, okay? Sounds like you don't have a lot of time to just...do things that you wanna do.

[There's a thought—something he can do to maybe ease her mind about all this. Akira idly twists a lock of her hair around his index finger.]

So if there's anything you wanna do while we're here, just lemme know, and I'll make it happen.

[ Take it easy, huh? She manages not to laugh as she considers it - Akira means we'll and she wouldn't want him to take her laughter the wrong way. She's just fairly certain she hasn't taken it easy even once in her life... or at least not before ending up here, anyway.

If she really is stuck until the gate is fixed, then she doesn't really have a choice. ]

Mm... I'd like to see more of the town, I think. We were looking for the gate, but I didn't really have to chance to actually see much of it.

[ And she should, if there's a chance she might not be able to come back.

But... there's a thought. ]

... I'd like you to teach me the taiyaki recipe too. If you can.

It's the best you've ever had, right? You can stick around during my shift and have some if you want.

[There's pride in his voice, even if the recipe doesn't belong to him. Matsu took being a taiyaki salesman pretty seriously, despite outward appearances, so it's Akira's job to make sure that his work doesn't go to waste.]

...I still can't do it as well as the guy who ran the stand before I did, but I'll teach you. Just don't go off and become a competitor, okay?

[Though imagining the dour Ryoko trying a customer service job is...pretty funny, actually. Or would she be able to keep that quiet, unobtrusive air about her that she gets around Taeko for a whole shift? Damn, now he wants to see it.]

Don't worry. As bad as my headaches get, customer service is about the only thing that could make them worse.

[ Two jokes in as many minutes. She really must be feeling better. ]

I just thought that it might be good for me to learn so I could help at the stand if you need it. And I could make some for everyone back at the house, too, once I manage to get the hang of it.

[ That and... she doesn't imagine she'll ever get nearly enough downtime to do it when she returns to her own era, but if she does... it'd be nice to know the recipe when she doesn't have Akira to make them anymore. ]

Oh, good idea! Taroimo is a little...well, you know how it is with those bowling balls of his.

[The ongoing mystery Ryoko may never be able to solve is how Taroimo runs the stand when Akira's away, because he only ever says things like this.]

I think everyone would like that. It's been awhile since I've had enough leftovers to bring home for the brats and Kaori.

[And he doesn't have Matsu to make them and give to Akira in exchange for his work anymore. It really is the sort of presence he was only acutely made aware of when he lost it.

He's starting to relax into the situation of having Ryoko with her head on his lap, his pulse finally starting to settle and the blush mottling his cheeks starting to fade, and he sort of scratches behind one of her ears like she's a cat. She definitely sounds like she's feeling better, but he's not about to be the one to point it out.]

...On that note. If you've got some time to spare, would you mind talking with her? Kaori, I mean. She was younger when we lost our dad, and Taeko's doing great, but I think she could benefit from...y'know, like a cool older sister.

[ She twitches again, but not necessarily in discomfort – just the sort of involuntary surprise that comes with being touched in a ticklish spot. She doesn't protest or scold him, though, even though it definitely seems like the sort of thing she'd usually do. It's strange – she'd been so embarrassed at the idea of even letting him try this but now she's so soothed she can't even remember what about it had seemed so bad.

... she probably won't stay on that track if anyone peeks around Taroimo, but that's a hypothetical problem for future Ryoko and Akira. ]

... I can definitely try. I don't really know if I'm really much of a 'cool big sister' anymore, but... I know what it's like.

[ To be sickly, stuck in bed, and boiling over with impotent frustration at your own body refusing to let you do what you wanted to do. ]

I dunno, I think you're pretty cool.

[It's what he says instead of thanking her—he's privy to Kaori's saddest, loneliest thoughts, her occasional resentment of her physical weakness and her inability to help whenever Akira finds himself in trouble. But that doesn't mean he understands, not in the same way Ryoko can. His body is strong, and his mind stronger, and it would sound disingenuous if he, of all people, started talking to Kaori about how truly unfair it is that he's strong enough for two people, and she's not even strong enough for one.]

...'Course, I can't have Kaori thinking you're cooler than me, but I'll give you second place.

[there it is. the oniichan in him jumped out.]

Sorry, but I don't accept second place in anything. I'm competitive. If you want first place, you'll have to really earn it.

[ She said she didn't have it in her anymore, but the oneechan immediately jumped out too, huh...

Before he can respond, though, Ryoko turns her head a little – laying on her side like that and with some of her hair in her face, she doesn't exactly have a perfect angle but it's enough for them to see each other's faces, even though she was so against it before and she gives him a wry little smile. ]

Or if you're willing to compromise, we can say you're the cooler older brother and I'll be the cooler older sister. That seems fair.

[He'd finally calmed down and then she had to look at him like that. He can feel himself blushing again, because of course he'd already been looking down at her when she'd been looking away, and now his heart's ready to start pounding out of his chest all over again.

He musses her hair playfully, but not so rough as to tangle it up any, giving her a grin that he hopes is equally playful but is tempered somewhat by his own feelings—it's certainly chipper, but there's a fondness in it, too.]

Fine by me. Kaori deserves one of each.

Right. I'll do my best, then.

[ She turns her face away again – mostly because she'd vastly underestimated how embarrassing it'd be to look him in the face again like this – and smiles again, more to herself than him. Maybe it's irresponsible to say something like that when she knows she'll need to be leaving soon, but...

That doesn't mean she can't do what needs to be done now. ]

Next time she's feeling up to it, I'll talk to her. Or... next time she needs someone to talk to about this sort of thing, I think.

[He's really so glad she's here. But it doesn't feel right to say that, so he just tries to focus on breathing evenly to slow his quickened pulse.]

I'll let you know when she needs it.

[Eventually, Kaori will reach an age where he won't be able to check in on her thoughts whenever he wants—teenagers value and need their privacy—but for now, while she's still young enough to need to be taken care of, it's something he does regularly.]

Even if it's not your home, I hope you can think of Bright Sparks as...maybe a sort of vacation house?

[Even that might be asking for too much, but...]

I don't know that I'd call this a vacation. Does your downtime usually involve getting into fights and running for your life?

[ A beat as she considers both what she's just said and who she's just said it to and allows herself a short laugh. ]

Never mind, actually. Don't answer that.

[ Something jostles unpleasantly behind her eyes with the laugh but it's nowhere close to being as bad as it had been before she'd lay down – a persistent tapping compared to a relentless jackhammer. She'll be surprised if it doesn't clear up before much longer and she looses a sigh of relief. ]

... Taeko-san really did have the right idea with this. It's worked much better than I expected.

[Akira laughs too, already preparing to say it sounds like his idea of a great time before Ryoko shuts him down preemptively.]

It's way too embarrassing to have her do it now, but it almost always helped a lot when I was little.

[And then, in a brazen act of either a lack of self-awareness or simple disregard of it:]

If your head starts to hurt again, you can ask me to help out anytime.

[Though there's that bashful tone again, so maybe not a complete lack of awareness, as he combs his fingers through her hair.]

What, like this again?

[ It's a little hard to imagine herself just walking up to Akira and brazenly plopping her head down into his lap – honestly, now her head is a little clearer, it's hard to imagine how she agreed to this in the first place, right in the middle of the park, even if Taroimo is here being an absolute trooper.

But. It's been... surprisingly nice. And even more surprisingly, it'd worked. She doesn't know if it will every time she has a flare up, but if there's anything she can do to stretch out the supply of pills she has, even with Tobei's help...

She gives a thoughtful little hum. ]

... I'll consider it.

I mean...if you wanna, anyway. It ain't any trouble, is all.

[Trying very hard not to give the wrong impression here—it'd be terrible to end this on a sour note.]

There's a couple other things we can try if you'd rather keep this a one-time thing.

[ . . . Seeing Akira so uncertain of himself is kind of unusual. It's a little cute, even. Hm, hopefully that's not a stray thought that he'll pick up. ]

I'm not particularly picky, if I'm honest. So long as it works to clear my head, I'll try anything. ... within reason, of course.

[ Might as well make THAT disclaimer ahead of time. ]

If you think it'll work, though, I don't mind.

103rd ♫ | i need somebody to love me, to make me feel warm and fuzzy

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